The Dynamics of Toxic Relationships and Stress

The Dynamics of Toxic Relationships and Stress

I would like to think that I have a very serene life,

Void of stress and toxicity,

At least that is how I outwardly attempt to live everyday.

Life has always thrown adversity in my direction; experience, learned with age, allows me to avoid most issues before problems arise. Recently one of my bigger life stressors reared its ugly head, forcing me to face something I’ve tried to keep buried for more years than I care to count.  The lesson learned, removing stress releases the negative energy that had been manifesting itself outwardly in many unhealthy ways.

 

 

What are the signs of a toxic relationship and what is the result of that negativity on your body you ask, well lets discuss a few things learned.

What are the signs of a toxic relationships:

• Negative feedback from them regarding their opinion on things you want to explore.
• Criticism to everything you and your mutual friends/family are doing in life.
• They drop subtle put downs or make negative remarks towards you or others.
• Mutual friends will also be a target of their criticism, often they will gossip about them to you.
• Feelings of dread/nervousness when you know you will have contact with the toxic person(s).
• The person(s) will have trouble maintaining friends or family relationships.
• The person(s) try to separate you from your friends or family by causing rifts in those relationships.

What are some of the root cause for people to become toxic:

• Often they are raised in a toxic environment, they seem to get joy from and are skilled at making others feel bad.
• Feelings of insecurity or vulnerability about themselves creates their need to suck energy from those around them.
• Trying to gain power or control over others due to their own feelings of low self-esteem.

Why do we stay in toxic relationships:

• Believing you can change the other person by pumping up their ego or returning your positive energy to them.
• Feelings of guilt/pity towards the other persons obvious social and/or emotional discord.
• Thinking that you shouldn’t be so happy when others are obviously suffering.
• Thinking the other person will grow beyond their toxic behavior over time.
• Group dynamics like work, family and friends can make it hard to remove yourself from the situation.

Common characteristics of toxic people: (often you will see one or all of these in a negative person)

• Premature aging: Negative people who tend to be toxic also will appear older than the age they actually are.
• Drug/alcohol addiction: It is hard to say what came first the negativity or the addiction but it is very common for negative people to dull their inner pain with narcotics and/or alcohol. Typically when they are under the influence they will also become more combative or abusive.
• Weight Issues: When not trying to bring down the self-esteem of those around them the negative person will often sooth their inner turmoil with food. I once saw one very toxic person consume an entire pie while complaining how stupid their doctors are, telling everyone that their weight was due to an undiagnosed medical issue(s).

What health/medical issues arise from remaining involved in a toxic relationship: (due to chronic stress via: Mayo clinic)

• Nausea, anxiety, weight loss, loss of appetite, heart palpitations and nervousness. (due to the release of cortisol or adrenalin)
• Increased risk for illness and headaches.
• Depression and listlessness; feelings of inadequacy and sleep disorders.
• Hair loss/skin problems, compulsive-obsessive disorder, ulcers.
• Some reports of: diabetes, heart disease, thyroid disorders, sexual dysfunction and fatigue.

What are the best ways to remove yourself from a toxic relationship:

• Become involved with a more positive group of friends that boost your emotions rather than tear them down.
• Set boundaries for yourself: Don’t allow yourself to take verbal/emotional abuse, walk away from the conversation if it starts becoming negative.
• Move if needed: If you can’t escape the situation you might need to change jobs, move or change social groups.
• Find activities that bolster peace and positive emotions; walks outdoors, pets, yoga/meditation, exercise and good nutrition help fight stress.
• If you can’t remove yourself from the negative environment then cut all ties with the toxic person.

I recently read: 25 ways to deal with toxic relationships and found some very interesting insight about this. Before reading the article I felt rather alone regarding my feeling towards a particular group of toxic people who spanned three generations. When I read the following two paragraphs it was as if they saw into my thoughts and wrote them for everyone to see. (quotes via: Abundance Tapestry)

“More than just having the ability to press our buttons, I would classify toxic relationships as having overt control of some kind. In extreme cases, they can be manipulative, abusive and aggressive. The hold that they have over you feels lethal. You are unable to feel “safe” in their company. You feel as if your survival – whether physical or psychological – is being threatened.

…Toxic people shift all the blame to everyone else but themselves. They refuse to take personal responsibility. Toxic people feel as if everyone owes them a living. They make their lives sound as if they are on spikes all the time. They thrive on repeating stories, whether their own or gossips about others. Toxic people have a knack of blowing up stories into catastrophic proportions. At first, we are drawn to their stories and feel bad for them. And then, we began to feel physically, mentally and emotionally ill ourselves from hearing the same thing over and over again.”

Abundance Tapestry also has 70 ways for self-care, these are some great ways to beat the stress that you feel when having to copy with a bad relationship.

Do you or have you dealt with toxic relationships in your life? Was the situation making you physically ill? Were you able to handle or remove yourself from the toxic environment, if so how? I would love to hear your story and the impact your experience had on your life, I hope that you had good results and are in a positive place now.

 

Namaste’