From Thick to Skinny Bitch, An Insider’s Story

Twitter, Facebook, Gmail and countless other social media forum have brought me in touch with some wonderful and talented people. In these social groups we have had many conversations that might never have happened in a real life.

One lovely lady I met through social media is Sunset Mini-Monster Sealy from Barbados. This is a girl of many talents, all of which I have enjoyed exploring on her website: Strawberry Samurai.  Sunset’s site is a creative resource that I have visited many times for inspiration as she is a writer, designer, artist and very talented individual.

It was one of her most recent posts that really hit home as it touched on a topic that has been discussed many times within my private social groups.  That topic is a touchy one called Skinny Bitch Syndrome, which Sunset captured so well with this comment:

While I have had many conversations about Skinny Bitch Syndrome, I wanted to know what exact definition can be found, a quick Google was in order. One of the first returns was Wikipedia, they detailed a website dedicated to the topic that offered, for sale, a book on how to become a: Skinny Bitch, the site states:

Stop Being A Moron and Start
Getting Skinny!

If you can’t take one more day of self-loathing, you’re ready to hear the truth:

You cannot keep shoveling the same crap into your mouth every day

and expect to lose weight.

(Via: Skinnybitch.com)

So now I am wondering if SkinnyBitch.com is implying that anyone who isn’t Skinny is a self loathing moron, that is very harsh but it certainly seems they are using that to sell their product. (I haven’t heard of the converse of Skinny Bitch Syndrome, will need to explore that direction as well.)  All of this is interesting, but it wasn’t the definition I searched for.

I was full of trepidation when I went to Urban Dictionary but I learned:

• that a Skinny Bitch is an alcoholic drink made from diet Coke and vodka, who knew, well bartenders apparently.
• “..a bitchy chick who can eat whatever she wants and can still be skinny, but is still concerned about her weight.”

~ Bingo..  the Urban Dictionary gave me the answer I had been looking for~

I spoke with Sunset about her comments, I needed to know how she came about that line of thinking. At one point Sunset tells me:

“So many people “preferred” me when I was fat because it made them

feel stronger or better looking. “

All of this was too intriguing, I had to ask of her experience directly. I knew that she was working with a trainer and had success reaching her fitness goals, so I pressed for further details. Her response was quick and detailed,

“I’ve never been a thin person. Right now, this is the smallest that I’ve ever been and I’m still pretty solid. I remember having thin friends all through school and never wanting to go shopping with them because I was the only one shopping in the plus size stores. I was teased by males and females alike and often told things like “Well, at least you have a pretty face…” or “Hey don’t worry, your personality makes up for it.” I was asked to parties and gatherings because I wasn’t a threat to other women. They could pursue any man they wanted without having to worry about me stealing the limelight.

Now that my entire lifestyle has changed, some people don’t understand it and don’t want to understand it. They don’t understand why I turn down the offers to meet for ice cream or why I’d wait a whole week before having a sweet treat. They don’t understand why I’d never miss a gym day or why I’d turn down their event to attend my Muay Thai class.

“You were a lot more fun when you were fat, Sunset.”

The very close friends I had then, that remain close to me today, tried to convince me that I was beautiful regardless of my shape or size. They are the ones who still support me now during my weight loss. Other people who I thought were my friends, or who I thought were supportive, say all kinds of nasty things to my face and behind my back. “She’s such a bitch now that she’s skinny.” “She’s always showing off now that she’s lost weight.” “God, have you read her fb status updates? Why does she do that? Why does she try to make everyone feel bad?” I even got an email this year from someone, who, I considered a friend,

who said to me “Shame on you Sunset. It’s really great that you’ve lost all that weight, but you’re not going to keep many friends if you keep rubbing your lost flab in everyone’s face.”

And that is a direct quote. So isolation occurs at either end of the scale. I was teased and brought down when I was fat, and now I’m disliked and brought down because I’m thinner. People still say things like “You’re so funny and nice… Were you a fat kid?” Seriously????? That’s when I realized more than ever that this journey needs to be about ME and no one else. I was an easy target for shame when I was fat, now I’m an easy target for haterade. That’s their problem. Not mine. People who take the time to know me, and those who know my heart know what kind of person I am, regardless of my weight.

My 19-year old brother gave me some encouragement. He told me, “Sister, you are one of the hardest working people who I know. If your determination, discipline and new self-esteem makes others feel bad, then they have to check themselves. That’s nothing to do with you.”

“…isolation occurs at either end of the scale. I was teased and brought down

when I was fat, and now I’m disliked and brought down because I’m thinner.” SSMS

 

Yes Sunset you are correct, you will meet people who are never happy with themselves no matter what end of the scale they happen to stand on. Take it from someone who is perceived as a Skinny Bitch, who has been told, more than once, by a new acquaintances that they were:

“surprised I was so friendly and nice”

or that they were

“shocked at how natural and comfortable I was with myself”

What about you, what experiences have you had regarding this topic and where do you fit into this spectrum? Have you experienced “Skinny Bitch” syndrome directed towards you; do you think someone who is fit and healthy might be a mean-spirited judgmental bitch?  Inquiring minds would like to know that and the bigger question that popped into my head which is:

Have you ever embarked on a journey to change your life only to run into objection from your friends? Do these judgments have an impact on your success or failure with your journey? 

* A huge thank you to StrawberrySun for being so open with her thoughts and feelings during her fitness journey. Struggling to readjust your life and lifestyle is difficult, having the support of friends and family can make that journey more successful.