The Dynamics of Toxic Relationships and Stress
I would like to think that I have a very serene life,
Void of stress and toxicity,
At least that is how I outwardly attempt to live everyday.
Life has always thrown adversity in my direction; experience, learned with age, allows me to avoid most issues before problems arise. Recently one of my bigger life stressors reared its ugly head, forcing me to face something I’ve tried to keep buried for more years than I care to count.Ā The lesson learned, removing stress releases the negative energy that had been manifesting itself outwardly in many unhealthy ways.
What are the signs of a toxic relationship and what is the result of that negativity on your body you ask, well lets discuss a few things learned.
What are the signs of a toxic relationships:
- Negative feedback from them regarding their opinion on things you want to explore.
- Criticism to everything you and your mutual friends/family are doing in life.
- They drop subtle put downs or make negative remarks towards you or others.
- Mutual friends will also be a target of their criticism, often they will gossip about them to you.
- Feelings of dread/nervousness when you know you will have contact with the toxic person(s).
- The person(s) will have trouble maintaining friends or family relationships.
- The person(s) try to separate you from your friends or family by causing rifts in those relationships.
What are some of the root cause for people to become toxic:
- Often they are raised in a toxic environment, they seem to get joy from and are skilled at making others feel bad.
- Feelings of insecurity or vulnerability about themselves creates their need to suck energy from those around them.
- Trying to gain power or control over others due to their own feelings of low self-esteem.
Why do we stay in toxic relationships:
- Believing you can change the other person by pumping up their ego or returning your positive energy to them.
- Feelings of guilt/pity towards the other persons obvious social and/or emotional discord.
- Thinking that you shouldn’t be so happy when others are obviously suffering.
- Thinking the other person will grow beyond their toxic behavior over time.
- Group dynamics like work, family and friends can make it hard to remove yourself from the situation.
Common characteristics of toxic people: (often you will see one or all of these in a negative person)
- Premature aging: Negative people who tend to be toxic also will appear older than the age they actually are.
- Drug/alcohol addiction: It is hard to say what came first the negativity or the addiction but it is very common for negative people to dull their inner pain with narcotics and/or alcohol. Typically when they are under the influence they will also become more combative or abusive.
- Weight Issues: When not trying to bring down the self-esteem of those around them the negative person will often sooth their inner turmoil with food. I once saw one very toxic person consume an entire pie while complaining how stupid their doctors are, telling everyone that their weight was due to an undiagnosed medical issue(s).
What health/medical issues arise from remaining involved in a toxic relationship: (due to chronic stress via: Mayo clinic)
- Nausea, anxiety, weight loss, loss of appetite, heart palpitations and nervousness. (due to the release of cortisol or adrenalin)
- Increased risk for illness and headaches.
- Depression and listlessness; feelings of inadequacy and sleep disorders.
- Hair loss/skin problems, compulsive-obsessive disorder, ulcers.
- Some reports of: diabetes, heart disease, thyroid disorders, sexual dysfunction and fatigue.
What are the best ways to remove yourself from a toxic relationship:
- Become involved with a more positive group of friends that boost your emotions rather than tear them down.
- Set boundaries for yourself: Don’t allow yourself to take verbal/emotional abuse, walk away from the conversation if it starts becoming negative.
- Move if needed: If you can’t escape the situation you might need to change jobs, move or change social groups.
- Find activities that bolster peace and positive emotions; walks outdoors, pets, yoga/meditation, exercise and good nutrition help fight stress.
- If you can’t remove yourself from the negative environment then cut all ties with the toxic person.
I recently read: 25 ways to deal with toxic relationships and found some very interesting insight about this. Before reading the article I felt rather alone regarding my feeling towards a particular group of toxic people who spanned three generations. When I read the following two paragraphs it was as if they saw into my thoughts and wrote them for everyone to see. (quotes via: Abundance Tapestry)
“More than just having the ability to press our buttons, I would classify toxic relationships as having overt control of some kind. In extreme cases, they can be manipulative, abusive and aggressive. The hold that they have over you feels lethal. You are unable to feel āsafeā in their company. You feel as if your survival ā whether physical or psychological ā is being threatened.
…Toxic people shift all the blame to everyone else but themselves. They refuse to take personal responsibility. Toxic people feel as if everyone owes them a living. They make their lives sound as if they are on spikes all the time. They thrive on repeating stories, whether their own or gossips about others. Toxic people have a knack of blowing up stories into catastrophic proportions. At first, we are drawn to their stories and feel bad for them. And then, we began to feel physically, mentally and emotionally ill ourselves from hearing the same thing over and over again.”
Abundance Tapestry also has 70 ways for self-care, these are some great ways to beat the stress that you feel when having to copy with a bad relationship.
Do you or have you dealt with toxic relationships in your life? Was the situation making you physically ill? Were you able to handle or remove yourself from the toxic environment, if so how? I would love to hear your story and the impact your experience had on your life, I hope that you had good results and are in a positive place now.
Namaste’
The 70 Ways For Self Care is a FABULOUS link! thank you for sharing. I’m married now, but in a previous relationship during my mid-twenties, it wasn’t a classic toxic in relationship – it was a lack of understanding that I deserved better that created the toxic drama from within. But with age came wisdom! I leaned to choose better and love myself more and not take any crap. ya, know? So glad that’s over now. š
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I was once in a very negative relationship with a person who used verbal and emotional abuse to bring me down, for many years I allowed it to work as I slowly slid into submission. One day a lovely lady moved next door who just happened to be a psychologist, that was just the thing I needed in my life at the time. She befriended me and helped me see that I had value and the strength to move forward with my life. I am married now as well, to a wonderful caring man who offers nothing but support and encouragement to everything I do in life. Yes I agree that with age comes the wisdom to that hopefully helps us to appreciate our personal value. As they say, you can’t learn to love others unless you first learn to love yourself.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my blog, much appreciated.
Bravo!!! Well said! Not everyone recognizes this type of behavior or relationships in their lives but I tell you that once you do and you do something about letting the “toxins” go…you are much happier for it.
Yes Missy I agree that letting go of the people that create toxicity in your life can sometimes be hard to do; there comes a time, with maturity, that you have the inner strength to move forward without looking back.
It is great that you’ve enjoyed my articles. Thanks for posting some of the quotes that you’ve felt connected to. When I read them again here, I felt a shiver go all over me at the thought of those relationships which had felt toxic. I am glad to know that I am in a much stronger position now to handle them.
I enjoyed how you’ve laid out your points in a succinct manner. It makes them easy to read and apply!
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Thank you so much for stopping by and reading my blog. So sorry to bring up bad memories for you as I know how painful a toxic relationship can be. I have had a lot of experience with them but somehow always seem to hold out hope that people can change. It has taken me time to realize is that change only happen when people understand their issues and realize their behavior needs to change.
Thank you for your positive feedback on my work. I appreciate your article very much as it was very well written and said exactly what I was thinking but struggling to get down in print. I am so glad that we have both come out from the other side of these stressful relationships stronger than when we were in them. Three cheers for that.
Bravo for getting out of that relationship. I’ve been there and done that before too. But I got out at the first sign and in my case the guy became very clingy toward the end. It’s funny how I used to think he was so attractive but if by chance I see him today I just want to put the “L” sign in front of my forehead and yell out – LOSER!!
It’s a great feeling to be able to relax and appreciate “peace” of mind.
Thanks for sharing these tips. I hope they touch someone’s heart and gives them the courage they need to move on….
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Yes it is a good feeling to remove yourself from a toxic relationship, even though initially I experienced some uncomfortable self doubt. Depending on who the relationship is with determines how easy it is to remove them from your life or your day to day life.
I have a similar experience with a fellow that I was quite enamored with in my youth, now when I see him I wonder what it was I thought was so special about him. It must have been the time in my life or the special attention he paid to “Woo” me. Of course once he won my attention he no longer worked to be nice but instead would try to tear down my self confidence. Now I am so happy to be in a normal well adjusted relationship with no freakish behavior.
I hope that someone in a similar situation finds the strength to rectify their situation so they can find happiness without stress.
Thanks, your explanations were really great. keep up the good work.
Toxic relationships are complex and they show up in different ways and severities. Thank you for your post, it is quite comprehensive. It helps to create awareness about toxic relationships. Seeking out positive groups and emotionally uplifting activities are great tips for everybody and more so for those surrounded by toxic people.
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